So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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