Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
