Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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