Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
