so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
