I'm jealous of your bromance
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
