the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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