made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Congratulations! We have a period
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