Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
