The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize