went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
