yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
