11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
