I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
