I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
