forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
