we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
