also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
