just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
