Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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