It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
