Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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