Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
