of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
