It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
