Im at strip club and am horny
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
