she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
