how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
