I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
