Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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