Please, let me fuck your mom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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