Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
