Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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