Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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