How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
