I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
