I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I faked an abortion last night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
