it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
