girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
