You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
