he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
