I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
