When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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