im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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