i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
