One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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