i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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