all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
