I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
