i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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