put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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