went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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