just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just blew my weed a kiss
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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